I love me a good dilemma. On the one hand, you have a state senator sponsoring a bill that would kickstart a discussion on legalizing or decriminalizing marijuana. On the other hand, I question the timing of bringing this bill up in the current political environment in Indiana.

Sen. Karen Tallian (D-Portage) is sponsoring a bill that would direct the criminal law and sentencing study committee to examine the state's marijuana laws next summer and come up with recommendations.

Well, that certainly figures. While I admire Sen. Tallian even approaching the subject, this approach seems timid at best. You need a bill to create a discussion? To come up with recommendations? Does parliamentary procedure in Indiana allow me to call bullshit?

There have been enough recommendations for a full-fledged discussion by this point in history. Seriously. With the number of states and communities decriminalizing possession of small amounts on the rise, would it have been so difficult for Sen. Tallian to simply offer up a full decrim or legalization bill, based on the dearth of recommendations, statistics, facts, etc. that have been built up over the last 30 years or so?

Sen. Tallian herself understands that controversial topics can take three days past forever to go through the legislative process, granted, but what she apparently fails to grasp is that taking the longest possible route to work on an issue is hardly the best way to address the situation at hand.

I will be very interested to see how the school voucher plan being proposed in the Statehouse plays out over the next couple of weeks.

The bill, part of Gov. Mitch Daniels' education reform plan, will likely sail on through a Republican-dominated Statehouse, and would establish the nation's largest publicly-funded school voucher program.

With rumors persistent that Daniels is considering a presidential run in 2012, this is a doubly smart move on his part. Daniels has bucked the national trend by being both an effective and genuinely popular Republican governor, and he has a trace of libertarian in him, to boot. Not only are charter schools and voucher programs increasingly popular ideas, the move provides solid action to address dissatisfaction with the state's public school system.

The program, which would give thousands of Hoosier families some state aid to apply toward private school tuition, and the ability to choose a school

You gotta love a Congress of action. After winning back the House, the Republicans were gonna come out swinging, they were gonna fix shit, right the ship, etc.
What we have gotten, among other things like House Oversight chair Rep. Darrell Issa asking over 150 companies and trade associations which regulations they would like gutted by the new Congress, are three bills to eliminate funding for public broadcasting in America.
Three bills. Not one, not two, but three separate bills at the same damn time, to address the same damn thing. Yeah, I hear you. What the absolute fuck?
This comes down to two questions. How under-confident are the Republicans in their chances to accomplish anything that they will stoop to introducing three of each bill, to give them three times the "we tried to help, we really did" street credit? Or, what backroom crap is in each of these three bills, and are you just kind of hoping the least of three evils will somehow slip by the Senate?
The GOP is try to play a deficit card, and for no logical reason I can see. You wanna scream deficit, wave a copy of our defense tab, or explain the 400% markups paid on some Medicare items, but try not starting with lone educational media outlet NOT slowly becoming another halfway home for reality shows that couldn't make Prime Time. Especially when the GOP should damn well know a Democratic-controlled Senate wouldn't pass it, and a Democratic President would veto it at any rate.
Now, if the House Republicans would draft a bill forcing public broadcasting to change how it conducts their insufferable pledge drives, maybe I could get on board. Until then, maybe they should not touch that dial, and get back to some sensible legislating. Lord knows, it'd look good on CSPAN, if anyone bothered to watch, that is...

Yeah, I said it in the headline, saying it again right here: Astrology is bullshit. The horoscope page in the newspaper is right between fortune cookies and the snail mail advice columnists in the bullshit hierarchy.
So, one could imagine my amusement when stories started cascading down across the Internet yesterday over a "shift" in the astrological signs.
A shift? What, are they realigning the signs to make the zodiac playoffs easier to follow? Even worse...an expansion Zodiac sign.

This is Ophiuchus, the supposed 13th sign. Despite being impossible to both spell and pronounce, "the snake handler" is being touted as a re-additon, based on the ideas that not only the Earth's wobbling has altered the times the sun passes through the sign, but that the Babylonians kicked Ophiuchus to the curb when they only wanted 12 signs, and none that sounded like a local sex trick of the times...I mean, come on...the snake handler? Bet Virgos keep an eye out for this guy...

Now, the only reason I even bring this up is my birthday falls on December 13 (just like Steve Buscemi and yes, damn it, Taylor Swift), so I would fall into this new sign.
Again, I call bullshit. I am a Sagittarius (although I pronounce it Vagittarius. You know. The vagina handler.) Don't care what a bunch of potpourri smoking eggheads came up with while tripping balls and listening to Stevie Nicks albums. This is what happens when we let people say Pluto isn't a planet anymore. Up next, kids...new sudden death overtime rules for the groundhog seeing its shadow.
So how would this shit work, if anyone actually took it seriously? Would the stiffs who got fired from greeting card companies find new life as the one making up entirely new crap out of thin air, based on what day the doctor slapped your ass? How many idiots will stagger half-blind into the streets, ruined for life because the Scorpio scroll they bought at an impulse rack, the one that described them SO perfectly, is now shit because they have been reclassified as a Libra?
Who knows, and who fucking cares. Apparently, the biggest story of all was Chinese New Year being misinterpreted, as 2011 is quickly shaping up to be the Year of the Dumbass.

Sometimes, when I hear about companies getting busted on truth in advertising, or some overly optimistic politician fishing for popularity with some kind of truth in legislation bill, I start thinking that there ought to be a truth in cable television channel naming.
Take for example, The Learning Channel. The only thing I have ever picked up from The Learning Channel is they will apparently give a show to anyone. How we haven't seen Andy Dick hosting America's Rest Stop Bathrooms is beyond me. Couldn't get much worse than Sarah Palin's Alaska, which TLC has mercifully seen fit to pull the plug on. Damn shame...I hear they were gonna have Sarah and Michelle Bachman throw down in a mudpit for sweeps week during the second season...nothing like a little hot dingbat on dingbat action, I suppose...

Not to be outdone, The History Channel recently announced they were not going to air a miniseries on the Kennedy family, saying it was not "a fit for The History Channel brand. Hmph. The History Channel brand, they say.
The History Channel, which airs Ice Road Truckers, Pawn Stars, American Pickers, and Ax Men, in addition to flotsam about ancient aliens and the fucking Da Vinci Code, thinks a miniseries on the Kennedys is beneath them. Thank God there was no sex tape footage of Bristol Palin getting knocked up, cause something tells me the bidding war would come down to The History Channel, TLC, and TMZ...truly, The History Channel is now officially the MTV of educational programming.

Naturally, an article on some of the accomplices behind TV's role in The Dumbening would not be complete without mentioning the current most egregious offender: MTV and its Jersey Shore, which I personally believe is responsible for the massive fish and bird kills around the world as of late, set an all-time ratings record for a series on that network with 8.45 million tuning in to watch people a tenth as smart earn ten times more than they ever will. All I can say is it's a damn good thing herpes is not visually transmitted.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have a production meeting to prepare for- an opportunity to produce a reality show. It is either going to be America's Next Top Hobo, or something involving Willow Palin and some gay midgets dipping rescued pit bulls in chocolate in the back of a pawn shop. Or some shit like that. Really need to start reading my production meeting notes...

Shorty Awards: What's your best tweet?
Thomas Keister: Twilight's Robert Pattinson, in Details magazine interview: "I really hate vaginas." Dare I say the least surprising quote of the year race is over?...
SA: What are six things you could never do without?
TK: Family, friends, pot, free will, metal, and muff diving
SA: How do you use Twitter in your professional life?
TK: Check @thomaskeister and find out...
SA: Twitter or Facebook?
TK: Pussy.
SA: What feature should Twitter add?
TK: An accurate crystal ball, or a time machine.
SA: Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't?
TK: my hottest fan...
SA: What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?
TK: Does it matter? They'll edit Mark Twain, they'll edit anybody...
SA: Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who?
TK: Bruce Campbell
SA: Why should we vote for you?
TK: A vote for me is like a vote for the hottest chick at the Wet T-Shirt contest. The one you know if you got drunk enough, you could score...
SA: Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now?
TK: #JustinBieberSnuffFilm
SA: Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used?
TK: #thomaskeister
SA: How do you make your tweets unique?
TK: With an intense regimen of training and pain...lots of pain. Ever see Solider? Great flick- it's kind of like the beginning of Soldier.
SA: What inspires you to tweet?
TK: Pot, booze, hot chicks on Bardstown Rd, cops driving 70MPH in downtown Louisville, the people who love me and the critics who hate me...
SA: Ever get called out for tweeting too much?
TK: Ever get called out for asking this stupid question a second year in a row?
SA: 140 characters of advice for a new user?
TK: Never forget. Twitter is cool and all, but stay grounded, and most importantly, you never go Ass to Twitter.
SA: How long can you go without a tweet?
TK: Somewhere between eight seconds and three days past forever...
SA: What question are we not asking here that we should?
TK: Why haven't you tweeted any nudes of yourself?
SA: How do you imagine Twitter changing? Slowly, with a come hither look in it's eyes...then the Fail TK: Whale cockblocks the whole process...
SA: Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter?
TK: Captain Hook. The guy has ruined more keyboards, yet still he plugs away...
SA: Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow?
TK: Me. I barely know who all I'm following, so I gotta go with the default setting on this one.
SA: What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?
TK: That it spiral slices a nice ham.
SA: Why should people follow you?
TK: Because I'm tall, good-looking, great in bed, absolutely fucking brilliant, and above all else...humble.
SA: Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
TK: @KlingonExpat
SA: How do you decide what to tweet?
TK: If it fits, and it makes at least 51% sense...it's in...
SA: Why'd you start tweeting?
TK: It's cheaper than heroin.
SA: What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter?
TK: Pornography through American sign language via TwitPic
SA: How will the world change in the next year?
TK: Crop droughts will be a thing of the past with new House Speaker John Boehner's crying jags...
SA: What will the world be like 10 years from now?
TK: A decade older and one step away from Idiocracy.

As I like to say, I do not mean to toot my own horn, but let's face it...I'm really the only one who knows all the tunes. 2011 is already off to a great start for the still-young ThomasKeister.com, as evidenced by the following:

11th Annual Weblog Awards
4 Nominations:
Weblog of the Year, DasUberBlog!
Best Topical Weblog, DasUberBlog!
Best New Weblog, DasUberBlog!, and Best Writing of a Weblog, Thomas Keister for DasUberBlog!

That's nine award nominations for my website, or me for my work on this website for 2011, and that was before Noon on New Year's day. That was while I was watching the Three Stooges marathon on AMC. Nothing but Stooges (with Curly) all damn day while soaking up the critical acclaim. Now, if I only made more money while doing this...then we're on to something.
Then again, you throw the award nominations for my work on Probably Uncalled For, Inside the Squared Circle, FreeReinMedia.com, and ElectMyAss.com, then the number balloons to 26. Before Noon on New Year's day. Throw in at least one nomination for the trial-sized doses of greatness on Twitter @thomaskeister when the 2011 Shorty Awards kick off later this week, and you got a running total of 27 award nominations thus far for 2011. Dare I say I'm one of the most acclaimed, if not widely known, writers on the Internet today? Yeah, I do think I dare. Once again, I do not mean to toot my own horn, but TOOT! TOOT!