Judging from this story, I don't know which I'm glad about more- the fact my two daughters are nearing completion of the public school system, or the fact they don't go to school anywhere near the state of Texas.

The latest from the state where everything is big, including the stupidity- if not presently, at one point and time the Boston Tea Party was being categorized as a terrorist attack according to the new curriculum. I know that anymore,  in our nonsensical, politically correct-at-all-costs society, one person's protest against taxation without representation is another person's terrorist attack, but come the fuck on with this. So what then would CSCOPE call the Alamo? An escalated disagreement between the landlord and some squatters?

Supporters of the non-profit company that helps create the cirriculum, CSCOPE, say the lesson hasn't been taught in Texas school since August 2010, even though it was still available on CSCOPE's website as recently as January of this year.

From the cirriculum (please to not be drinking anything hot when you read this):

“A local militia, believed to be a terrorist organization, attacked the property of private citizens today at our nation’s busiest port. Although no one was injured in the attack, a large quantity of merchandise, considered to be valuable to its owners and loathsome to the perpetrators, was destroyed. The terrorists, dressed in disguise and apparently intoxicated, were able to escape into the night with the help of local citizens who harbor these fugitives and conceal their identities from the authorities."

“It is believed that the terrorist attack was a response to the policies enacted by the occupying country’s government. Even stronger policies are anticipated by the local citizens.”

Yeah. I know right? Maybe they should get back to the drawing board on that whole abstinance thing and leave history to the fucking history books! Or at least withhold some of the $25 million in government funding the company recieves until they promise to leave the text alone and simply try and teach. Teach successfully, if they in fact need the qualifier "successfully."

And by the way, I am much happier neither of my children attend school in Texas, are planning to attend school in Texas, or are even planning on visiting the state of Texas. I'd rather the real world screw them up honest than have some half-assed Texas educator send them out with this mess in their head. Any chance we can get their secession petition on the fast track for approval? However it turns out, I'd love to see how they are gonna teach it in class five years from now...

Getting ready for the real start to the holiday season tonight, when the clock strikes Midnight, and Thanksgiving is upon us. Not three weeks ago, when retail outlets and radio stations started jamming yuletide music down our gullets. Not when the Halloween crap went on clearance. Tonight. Midnight. Thanksgiving.

I used to associate Thanksgiving with eating a little turkey and watching a little football. Now anymore, it's a half-dozen or so stupid motherfuckers camping out to be at the front of the herd when Walmart cracks the doors open. This is the facepalm material, people, and this is the dumbening in full effect. You go camping to commune with nature and get some recreation, you go camping for concert tickets. You do not go camping for a damned cell phone. Kind of hard to compare sleeping in a tent to score KISS tickets to sleeping in a tent to get a $600 cell phone, play with it for three days, and then bitch relentlessly about it in online forums. I've done neither, and not because I'm not adventurous, just smart enough to have bought the tickets at the box office and the cell phone at the sales counter. You know, during regular business hours, so I can spend my midnights writing or drinking and playing a video game or having sex with my fiance. What us grown-ass adults call nighttime shit.

The whole concept of Midnight product or movie releases has always boggled my mind. Seems to be less about how much sales revenue is generated, or how many units ship and sell, but how many people you can potentially sleep deprive into anti-social behavior. I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I would much rather have a potential riot over an XBox game while the sun's up and you can see all the players. That, and blaming shit on full moons is backwards and stupid.

Not that we aren't preparing for the Black Friday weekend here and at Free Rein Media. We are planning to be pretty aggressive with the social media marketing from this Friday through next Monday. We have made some pretty good strides with the Really Funny Tees brand at Free Rein, and we are in the planning stages for even bigger strides in 2013. What better way to do that than to finish the year big. Like a boss is how I believe the kids are saying it this year. But just remember people...we're an online company. Put the camping shit back in your car, take a nap, and get back with us later. You'll never look stupid shopping our stores in your pajamas. We promise.

Yep, just the kind of stuff you want to read of you are not a good flier, or are too sick of the whole process already to even want to think about a new in-air complication.

United Flight 662 Denver to Washington, D.C. arrived thirteen minutes ahead of time, albeit with a military escort after an unidentified man began praying in the aisle and the pilot called an emergency. All the passengers were allowed to deplane, and the praying man was escorted off by police and EMS personnel, with no injuries to anyone in the incident.

I mean, I know that people pray all over the world, in whatever manner gets them through the day. Whatever was on your mind may surely have been serious enough to pray for, but damn, buddy...you know you can just pray the fuck silently to yourself until the fucking plane lands. Dipshit.

My other curiosity, what can they really charge this guy with? The usual charge is interfering with a flight crew, but if the plane landed thirteen minutes early, how much "interference" could there have been? Nobody went all Call of Duty and tackled the guy, so there must have been zero thought this guy was a threat. I'd say aggravated faith, second degree, but something tells me that'd get tossed on appeal. At least, anymore I hope it would.

I guess now there's a precedent, we should start a betting pool to see when a copycat incident goes down. Or, to play devil's advocate, no pun intended, what if this is a sign? Designate one passenger to pray in the aisle during the flight, and if all the flights wind up early (without the military escorts), then all the better. Maybe the height does improve the reception...

Some stories just seem destined to write themselves...police in Laurel, Maryland are looking for a duo that robbed Copy Catz, a local recording studio, right after laying down a track.

Either this is one of the dumbest crimes I have ever heard of, or this is the greatest attempt at gaining street cred ever. I mean, why get dangled off a balcony by a producer or whatever, when you can rob the place you are recording your first album at. Seriously, was this shit the lost original plot of CB4?

At the moment, the biggest clue the Laurel P.D. has is the recording, which department spokesman Pete Piringer said they hope to use for voice recognition purposes. Yeah, good luck with that. Can't wait to see this case profiled on Forensic Files...