 Shorty Awards: What's your best tweet?
Thomas Keister: Twilight's Robert Pattinson, in Details magazine interview: "I really hate vaginas." Dare I say the least surprising quote of the year race is over?... SA: What are six things you could never do without? TK: Family, friends, pot, free will, metal, and muff diving SA: How do you use Twitter in your professional life? TK: Check @thomaskeister and find out... SA: Twitter or Facebook? TK: Pussy. SA: What feature should Twitter add? TK: An accurate crystal ball, or a time machine. SA: Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't? TK: my hottest fan... SA: What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity? TK: Does it matter? They'll edit Mark Twain, they'll edit anybody... SA: Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who? TK: Bruce Campbell SA: Why should we vote for you? TK: A vote for me is like a vote for the hottest chick at the Wet T-Shirt contest. The one you know if you got drunk enough, you could score... SA: Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now? TK: #JustinBieberSnuffFilm SA: Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used? TK: #thomaskeister SA: How do you make your tweets unique? TK: With an intense regimen of training and pain...lots of pain. Ever see Solider? Great flick- it's kind of like the beginning of Soldier. SA: What inspires you to tweet? TK: Pot, booze, hot chicks on Bardstown Rd, cops driving 70MPH in downtown Louisville, the people who love me and the critics who hate me... SA: Ever get called out for tweeting too much? TK: Ever get called out for asking this stupid question a second year in a row? SA: 140 characters of advice for a new user? TK: Never forget. Twitter is cool and all, but stay grounded, and most importantly, you never go Ass to Twitter. SA: How long can you go without a tweet? TK: Somewhere between eight seconds and three days past forever... SA: What question are we not asking here that we should? TK: Why haven't you tweeted any nudes of yourself? SA: How do you imagine Twitter changing? Slowly, with a come hither look in it's eyes...then the Fail TK: Whale cockblocks the whole process... SA: Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter? TK: Captain Hook. The guy has ruined more keyboards, yet still he plugs away... SA: Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow? TK: Me. I barely know who all I'm following, so I gotta go with the default setting on this one. SA: What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter? TK: That it spiral slices a nice ham. SA: Why should people follow you? TK: Because I'm tall, good-looking, great in bed, absolutely fucking brilliant, and above all else...humble. SA: Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow? TK: @KlingonExpat SA: How do you decide what to tweet? TK: If it fits, and it makes at least 51% sense...it's in... SA: Why'd you start tweeting? TK: It's cheaper than heroin. SA: What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter? TK: Pornography through American sign language via TwitPic SA: How will the world change in the next year? TK: Crop droughts will be a thing of the past with new House Speaker John Boehner's crying jags... SA: What will the world be like 10 years from now? TK: A decade older and one step away from Idiocracy. Comments are closed.
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Winner, The Blogitzer
(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards Archives
July 2014
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