The Good...so, in a recent interview with Heat, Peaches Geldof, whom I know only as the occasionally smacked-out (see pic) daughter of Live Aid organizer Bob Geldof (whom I barely know anything of), admitted that while she is a celebrity, inexplicably- she knows she's "the lowest dregs" of celebrity. Wow. Sounds like she might have cleaned up, because that's the single smartest fucking thing I have ever heard a celebrity of her ilk say...
The Bad...sigh...this picture would have been far hotter ten years ago. Fifteen years ago, I would have been too busy jerking off to write this column. This is a scene from Kim Cattrall's upcoming indy flick Meet Monica Velour, in which she plays a former 80s porn star turned over-the-hill stripper. There's hanging on, and then there's this. Try thinking back to Police Academy. Hell, think back to Star Trek VI. If that doesn't work, then I'm sorry to have to tell you that Kim Cattrall has killed your erection, execution-style.
...and...well, you know what's left...Holy damn at Christmas, would you look at this fucking guy? Is this one of the leg breakers that's being dispatched to find me and whoop my ass over some of the shit I say on Probably Uncalled For? Nope, but just as scary, it's Cameron "Bonecrusher" Diaz. Fresh off intimidating a grown man into letting her jam her popcorn-filled meat hooks into his mouth as a collective universe. Shudder. I'd rather get a prostate exam from that Kardashian sister that looks like Chewbacca.
Ah yes, the 2012 Presidential pre-season is well underway. At the Conservative Political Action Conference yesterday, Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) won the presidential straw poll, with a handy 30 percent of the vote. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, the 2007 winner, came in second with 23 percent of the vote.
The 2012 CPAC straw poll:
1. Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) - 30%
2. Mitt Romney (former Masschusetts Gov.) - 23%
3. (tie) Gary Johnson (former New Mexico Gov.) - 6%
Gov. Chris Christie (R-New Jersey)
4. Newt Gingrich (former Speaker of the U.S. House) - 5%
5. (tie) Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Minnesota) - 4%
Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Minnesota)
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-Indiana)
6. Sarah Palin (former Alaska Gov.) - 3%
7. (tie) Mike Huckabee (former Arkansas Gov.) - 2%
Rick Santorum (former U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania)
Sen. John Thune (R-South Dakota)
Herman Cain (former head, National Restaurant Association)
8. (tie) John Huntsman (former Utah Gov.) - 1%
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-Mississippi)
Can't help but think that Paul's victory shows the continued influence the tea party factions are having on the conservative side of the aisle. Whether or not that translates into the nomination is doubtful. While Paul has a large Internet following, I think it'll boil down to his age when it comes time for the convention. Too bad this tea party phenomenon didn't come around about 15 years earlier.
Mitt Romney? Why is this guy's name still being brought up?
I also find it interesting that Gary Johnson finished third, given his stances on marijuana. Does this mean more and more conservatives are willing to have more than the token lip service or B.S. committee hearing on the subject of legalization or decriminalization? I can't help but think yes.
Is it finally time to fork Sarah Palin, at least in the candidate sense? I mean, she only garnered three percent, which placed her behind eight other potential candidates, two of which were Governors who completed their entire terms, and one whom hasn't had enough time to just up and quit yet. To further illustrate, Palin finished just one percent higher than Herman Cain, which begs the question: who the hell is Herman Cain? He's the former head of the National Restaurant Association, which begs the question: what the hell is the National Restaurant Association? Are they the group that says you can have my smoking section when you pry it from my cold dead hands?
Finally, I thought it rather amusing that Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour made himself the most visible of the potential candidates over the weekend, and yet just picked up one percent of the vote. He may be in love with the sound of his own voice, but apparently those at CPAC were not impressed with the tune he was squawking.
I'm not sure if this qualifies as any of that hope and/or change crap I've been hearing about for the last two years, but it is pretty damn fine news if you want to tweet about how your boss is an utter fuckstick.
On Monday, the National Labor Relations Board settled a lawsuit against American Medical Response of Connecticut, Inc., an ambulance company that fired an employee for criticizing her boss on Facebook. That, and she probably didn't help water his crops on Farmville, either.
The NLRB took issue with the termination and sued the company, calling the employee's Facebook musings protected speech under labor laws.
The ambulance company will change policies that previously:
-barred employees from depicting the company in any fashion online without permission.
-barred employees from disparaging their supervisors or the company.
Wow. I mean, one of the reasons this country is el numero uno is you have every right to call your boss King Douchenozzle if you so desire, and understand the consequences based on the timing. Call your boss a lifetime subscription of fail in a trial-sized envelope at a staff meeting, and it's your own fault security is watching you clean out your desk. Do it when you get home, and well, your boss just has to suck it up until they can get home and fall asleep crying.
There you have it in a nutshell. If anything else, the Obama administration can be remembered for at least reaffirming our right to call our boss a dickhead. Or worse. Either way, I'm just glad I'm self-employed. I love my boss.
Winner, The Blogitzer
(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards