Alright, I'll admit, two schoochies getting hooked up for trying to run a small meth lab from their hotel room is not really that big a deal. I mean, I'm sure shit like this breaks out on a semi-daily basis in this country, and especially in this part of the country, but it was the pics provided with the article that caught my attention. And to think, this was a night after a man was assaulted in Clarksville with a red glass bong. Why the hell won't Cops shoot some footage from Clarksville, Tennessee?
No, I'm not particularly enthralled by the two suspects, Heidi Green, left and Amy Dasher. Already a hard looking eighteen years of age for Green, with Dasher looking even worse for wear at twenty, the duo caught my attention for the matching plaid shirts they were wearing when the photo was taken.
Either these two called each other the night before, or the Montgomery County Jail in Clarksville has the greatest book-in uniforms ever. As further investigation of the LeafChronicle.com's website, and some more booking photos, it appears that the county jail has a pretty good supply of these shirts, and apparently only for the ladies.
At first glance, I found myself thinking "well, it's a step up from the orange jumpsuit or those variations on the Monopoly guy's jail outfit," but then, after a bit to contemplate after I mentioned this on last night's Probably Uncalled For, I started taking things in a different, albeit slightly predictable direction...
For some reason, I started getting visions of an old-school 3 AM Cinemax classic. Some county lock-up or ladies prison somewhere in the southern bumblefuck states, and what the warden has got here is a case of the Hee Haw fetish. Tell me you didn't read this and start having hot 1980s car wash montages running through your head, only with a group of bemused correctional officers in mirrored sunglasses guarding the parimeter.
Ah...good times, right there. Now, replay all those great Cinemax moments and scenes, replacing all the 80s chicks with these future Faces of Meth alumni, and tell me how fantastic an idea you think methamphetamine is.
I could write that I'm surviving Christmas, hanging on by my wit's end, but I can't exaggerate that much. It's been a pretty good holiday so far. Got up, drank coffee from a Santa Claus coffee mug and opened presents with my mom, the fiance, and the future stepkids. Everybody liked what everybody got, Mom went to the Christmas service, Older Future Stepkid went to hang out with her boyfriend, Younger Future Stepkid is playing with enough Monster High merchandise to launch a stop-motion knock-off, and unfortunately the fiance had to make her way to work. Sigh.
Now, I'm just sitting here at my desk, enjoying the crap out of my Christmas present from my fiance. A HP Pavillion 20 all-in-one with a wireless printer. I loves me that woman. She very much enjoyed her present, and thanks to Dawn at Shane Company for her assistance on that. Since I gots me some time waiting for Star Trek Online to download, here's some Christmas at large...
So, a mall Santa in Foxboro, Mass made a little boy's Christmas by signing to him. The boy, 3, was shy about appraoching Santa until that happened. Okay, that's cool and all, but I know the real detail behind that story. The professional Santa saw that Rosetta Stone commercial, the one with Santa and the German kid, and thought to himself, Nah, I can do better. Well played Santa. Still gotta wonder about that, though. Professional Santa. Is this what is bound to become of all the professional Gandalfs when the market dries up?
Saw a story about a family's Christmas ham catching fire, necessitating a call to the fire department. Guess if you're gonna call them out on Christmas, might as well make it a tasty emergency. Hope they had extra gravy...
If I were going to get a new Hulk Hogan story for Christmas, at least it had nothing to do with sex tapes. The noted reality show guy on a toilet and Rent-A-Center pitchman will unveil his latest restaurant project Hogan's Beach in Tampa, Florida on New Year's Eve. The 20,000 square foot waterfront restaurant is what Hogan calls a "logical extension of the Hogan Brand," will feature volleyball courts, fire pits, cabanas, and tiki huts. Naturally, because when I think of a guy in his fifties, this is what I think of- a mid-life crisis in restaurant form, complete with a mechanical shark to ride. God knows YouTube desperately needs footage of drunk fat chicks flying off Hulk Hogan's mechanical shark. Or is that the plot of Hogan's next sex tape?
In a bonus stocking stuffer, entertainment writer James Poniewozik considers Here Comes Honey Boo Boo one of the worst TV shows of 2012. Nothing remarkable, just have to add Poniewozik to the ever-growing list of people I have to take more seriously than Barbara freakin' Walters and her "fascinating people" bullshit every year. The fact she finds the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo fascinating is my first bit of evidence that she is, in fact going straight the fuck senile...
Yeah, so Brad Pitt's latest effort, Killing Them Softly, in spite of some pretty solid reviews, opened seventh this weekend with $7 million. A 71% from critics and 65% from audiences on RottenTomatoes.com didn't matter a whole lot, as Pitt found himself trailing behind holdovers like Skyfall and Sparkly Vampire Crap: Dragging Out the End- Part 2.
The film came in well below industry expectations, which placed it around a $13 million opening. If Killing Them Softly had matched estimations, it would have been part of a three-way race for third place, with Lincoln and Rise of the Guardians.
Here's where the hyperbole begins. Scott Bowles of USA Today calls Pitt "the biggest star on the planet," while Tim Briody of BoxOfficeProphets.com says "Pitt has never been an automatic draw."
So, who to go with here? Mathematically, Briody is more accurate, and the best part is, the math that backs that up is supplied by Bowles in his own article. Using data from Box Office Mojo, Bowles shows that Pitt's thirty-three films have averaged a $66 million take at the box office. By way of comparison, Gary Oldman's thirty-two films have averaged $86 million and Eddie Murphy's thirty-eight films average out to a cool $100 million in box office revenue.
Let's take a look at that. By far, of the three actors listed, Gary Oldman is the most critically acclaimed. Eddie Murphy has had more blockbuster films (although, how long ago has that been?). Brad Pitt? Well, maybe he's not "the biggest star on the planet," but $66 million is at least reliable. Not King of the Mountain-type numbers, not in 2012 terms, but steady enough for studios to keep giving him roles.
Reliable is the key word here, Scott Bowles of USA Today...maybe try getting an extra hour of sleep a day, cause apparently your fangirl is hanging out.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the movie sucks. Haven't seen it. Merely commenting on the performance versus overeager writers to slap "biggest," "greatest," or any of the other usually unnecessary adjectives going around these days. Killing Them Softly was slated for an October 16 release, but that was moved back to this weekend, a notoriously slow post-Thanksgiving weekend. Seems an odd choice, unless their estimations of the film are panning out, the industry overthought it, and the studio is hoping for good overseas and DVD numbers. At any rate, don't expect much more from this one, people. Starting in seventh does not usually bode well, especially with the holiday release season coming up.
Winner, The Blogitzer
(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards