This Week in Blind Panic...

Do they still make fainting couches? If so, I think I need to make an investment in the upcoming weeks. 

By now, unless you are still in the throes of Prince George of Cambridge fever, you have no doubt heard about the Discovery Channel's new survival-style reality show Naked and Afraid. Pretty simple premise- take a man and a woman, strip them butt naked and give them each one survival tool, then they must spent a week toughing it out in harsh conditions before making their way to an extraction point. Call it bivouac for nudists, I guess.

I'll admit to watching the premiere, if only to try and knock 35 minutes of Nik Wallenda rapid fire praising the Lord that his Grand Canyon publicity stunt went off without a hitch. Almost worse than having Blurred Lines stuck in your head. Almost. Nothing worth getting up in arms over, but I forgot- for every non-issue, there are people perfectly willing to weep and gnash teeth and proclaim it the worst evil to befall our land since alcohol and gambling.

One Million Moms is apparently no exception, although they have taken their indignation to new and exciting levels. Wait, shouldn't have said excited. Excitement for these women should be best saved for extreme couponing and pretending half the stuff in their bedside table is for "therapeutic" massage.

In a breathless missive on their website, the group decries Discovery Channel's new show for the audacity to "air n*dity and then call it entertainment." 

I wouldn't say I completely agree with that, but I have seen a couple episodes, and they could do with some better looking people getting naked and imperiled.

I know what you are thinking, and yes, you read that right. They even censor the word nudity, for fuck's sake. Their hysterical statement also censors the words n*ked and p*rn. Again, I say...for fuck's sake. If I were in charge of the Discovery Channel, I would be perfectly willing to meet them halfway. I would take the show off the air, but only if I could replace it with One Million Moms Doing N*ked Hot Yoga. I mean, they wouldn't totally be n*ked, there would be strategically placed big f*cking ast*risk, the international symbol for oh my damn, you have got to be f*cking kidding me.

If you want to see what the big fucking deal is all about, the damn show (Naked and Afraid, not the hot yoga thing. It doesn't exist unless One Million Moms has a YouTube channel I'm hopeful to remain unfamiliar with. ) airs Sunday nights 10 east/9 central.

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