Mitch McConnell: Master of Subtlety

In a land of imagery, yesterday just plain sucked. It rained most of the damn day, and while I was pleasantly surprised to see I-65 South flowing freely as I crossed the Kennedy Bridge into Louisville, the least surprising thing about my day had to be the return of the chinless wonder, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY).
As the Republicans continue preparations to take over the House (no doubt the code name being Preparation H), the senior senator from the Commonwealth of Kentucky has been busy ducking and weaving and trying not to get his wattle stuck in the door behind him. After receiving some criticism for waiting all of six seconds before saying what we already knew, that GOP goal #1 is making sure that President Obama is a one-term wonder, McConnell has managed something of a trick play- he dropped back and punted, yet lost no field position whatsoever. Not that I take any fault in McConnell's stance. OF COURSE the GOP wants Obama out of the White House, why the hell wouldn't the Republicans want a Republican in the White House? If you are playing for second, you're kind of missing the mark. Then again, I'm a Libertarian...I'm used to playing for fourth in a three-team field.
McConnell's announcement Monday that he would support a moratorium on earmarks should be a miracle deserving of a Lifetime movie set around Christmas, but what it shows is the bare bones model of a man and a party that all of a sudden wants to listen to the voters, or at the very least continue to create that impression.
Mitch McConnell saying he would give up earmarks is as believable as a televangelist crying for forgiveness on TV, as sincere as a starlet saying this time the rehab will work...honest...she swears, and as cheap as Paris Hilton when she knows the camera's night vision is switched on. For anyone keeping score at home, Mitch has wrangled up $457.9 million in earmarks in just the last two years alone. And just how has that money helped the people of Kentucky? I don't see where the schools are getting any better, I don't see where the roads are getting any better, I don't see a new bridge, or much-needed repairs being done to the John F. Kennedy Bridge. I see a shiny new arena on the waterfront drawing douchebags like Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Dane Cook, but that's a bitch for a different time.
For anyone who likes to crunch the numbers, that is 47.7 percent of the $960.5 million in earmarks Kentucky received in that time period. Yep, nearly a billion fucking dollars, and not really a whole lot to show for it. McConnell ranked 39th in Congress in earmarks, and Kentucky ranked 17th out of the states. For someone who desperately wants to hit a home run with the people on deficit reduction, Mitch seems to have hacked away at a lot of pitches outside the strike zone along the way.

---