So, now there's a chronic condition for making cups of coffee? Yeah, we here in the real world call it having to wake the hell up every morning. Just to make sure cutesy morning blogs and smartass blogs like mine have crap to write about, there had to be a nickname slapped on it. In this instance, the object of my disdain is called "barista wrist." There is also a "barista elbow."
Of course. This is not to say i have a problem with repetitive strain injuries, or doubt their existence. I've been writing for 22 years now. To say sometimes my hands hurt after an all-day typing festival is an understatement. But pouring coffee? Come on. Come the fuck on. Sit down, get your mind right, and then come right the fuck on. This is where I have a problem with repetitive strain injuries, because if your brittle ass can't handle pouring coffee for a living, then maybe you should have sprung for better than a philosophy degree.
A certified hand specialist told the New York Post they have seen "all kinds of barista injuries," which tend to be chronic in nature. Oh, what the fuck? What the hell kind of certified hand specialist did the Post speak to, a fluffer? Seriously, I bet I could call ten "certified hand specialists" and total up zero barista injuries not stemming from getting burned with hotter than absolute fuck coffee.
"The motions involved in making and serving coffee are far more dangerous than the average person knows," the Post also writes, one of the more ludicrous things I have ever seen coming from a newspaper. Sure, you are dealing with hot liquid, and maybe even spoons, and are there even numbers available for the number of people who accidentally blind themselves with powdered creamer? I've been drinking coffee longer than I have been writing, and have I burned myself with coffee? Sure, two or three times. Am I putting my life in peril by making and/or serving coffee? No, not unless I'm doing it in the middle of a raging gun battle or a lightning storm. Neither of which I have done lately.
In the final wind-up, what I would really like to know is what the hell the name for the repetitive strain injury is for drinking too much coffee. And whether or not you can get a medical card for it, cause that would be a great bit of information to pass on. You know, should you ever get the weirdest Trivial Pursuit card ever one night.
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(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards