If there's a missing person from the cemetery on the carton, I ain't drinking the milk...

So, it seems that at least forty people are missing from a cemetery in tiny Gurabo, Puerto Rico.

Dang. You would think the neighborhood with the cemetery wouldn't need a Neighborhood Watch. That's just a damn shame, right there.

Of course I know this is a terrible story. It has anguished families, disturbed the locals, and baffled local officials and authorities. That said...I'm not saying it's zombies. I'm not saying it's probably zombies. Even if it is zombies, which I'm totally not saying, fuck it, we're talking about an island. Worst case scenario- we still got a pretty good head start, because even if the zombies do learn to swim, that's gonna take a whole lotta forever.

Many of the residents are kicking around the rumor the remains are being stolen for Santeria rituals, although the Santeria people point to another faith- Paleria, that uses human bones in their practices, as Santeria only uses animals in their rituals. See, somehow, even they aren't saying it's zombies, but it's probably zombies, granted they are those damn Caribbean/Catholic/African hybrid voodoo jobs, but still...

Public Works Director Jose Roman said finding night security has been a problem. Yeah, no shit. Maybe someone should clue in the good people of Gurabo about Craigslist. Too bad the Three Stooges are dead, this short would have been freakin hysterical.

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