So...according to the latest bullshit study, some group of desperately bored scientists have supposedly determined that six months or more of breast feeding can increase the chances of better grades later in life. Hmmm. I must not have been breastfed long enough- that's why I'm still not done with my degree...too much time in the strip clubs. Oh crap...would that qualify as an eating disorder or a learning disability?
Meanwhile...in the latest example of natural selection slowly getting more and more creative- over 80 people have been hospitalized in Louisiana, and some 70 poison center calls were fielded in seven other states as new drugs are being marketed as fake fertilizer, fake insect repellent, and fake bath salts. Okay, now smoking fake fertilzer writes it own joke, about the shit people will use to get high. Snorting fake insect repellent? Here I was thinking meth was the height of stupidity. I mean, if you have some complete jibbering asshole who is perfectly willing to snort bug spray, why fucking go through the motions of trying to sell them on the fake shit? A can of bug spray costs a damn dollar. If you can't make a profit margin on a fucking dollar, then you are far too fucktarded, by half, to be on the supply side of the illicit drug market. Trying to get high on fake bath salts? Not the dumbest thing I've ever heard, but it's nipping at the heels of the top ten. Just waiting for the day you have to show an ID to make a purchase at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Rounding this one out...Halliburton recently agreed to a $35 million settlement with the nation of Nigeria over bribery charges stemming from $180 million in illegal payments brokered on Dick Cheney's watch as head of the company. Jeez...hope that settlement offer wasn't in the form of an email. I mean, has anyone warned Halliburton about the 419 scams? $35 million is a lot to flush away on a Nigerian hotmail.
Winner, The Blogitzer
(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards