Not that I'm sad the holidays are over, although I'm glad the music portion of it is done with, but stories like this restore my faith in the holiday spirit.
44 year old Helen Williams was so peeved a gentleman companion had failed to arrive with beer, since the stores were closed on Christmas Eve, she did what someone destined to wind up on my blog would do. She busted a ceramic squirrel over his head and then stabbed him with the jagged remains. Strictly speculating here, but I'm going to guess Ms. Williams is what they call a hard 44.
I just know the root of this situation, the beer, had to have Milwaukee somewhere in the title. I just know it. That some hardcore fucking beer partying sumbitches right there. They don't need to knifefight. They'll bust a squirrel in yo ass. A squirrel with a smile.
Then again, what kind of dude gets shived with the jagged remnants of a ceramic squirrel? Is this part of an upcoming Grand Theft Auto V Online downloadable content or something?
Williams was in the Charleston (S.C.) County jail as of Friday afternoon on criminal domestic violence charge, but it was not immediately known if she had legal representation. Yes, sir...I'll put a dollar down on the public defenders trying to call in favors not to draw this case.
At any rate, can this finally be a replacement for Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?
Winner, The Blogitzer
(Best Overall Writing), 2011 Blogger's Choice Awards