Ah, this madness they call celebrity...

The Good...so, in a recent interview with Heat, Peaches Geldof, whom I know only as the occasionally smacked-out (see pic) daughter of Live Aid organizer Bob Geldof (whom I barely know anything of), admitted that while she is a celebrity, inexplicably- she knows she's "the lowest dregs" of celebrity. Wow. Sounds like she might have cleaned up, because that's the single smartest fucking thing I have ever heard a celebrity of her ilk say...

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The Bad...sigh...this picture would have been far hotter ten years ago. Fifteen years ago, I would have been too busy jerking off to write this column. This is a scene from Kim Cattrall's upcoming indy flick Meet Monica Velour, in which she plays a former 80s porn star turned over-the-hill stripper. There's hanging on, and then there's this. Try thinking back to Police Academy. Hell, think back to Star Trek VI. If that doesn't work, then I'm sorry to have to tell you that Kim Cattrall has killed your erection, execution-style.

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...and...well, you know what's left...Holy damn at Christmas, would you look at this fucking guy? Is this one of the leg breakers that's being dispatched to find me and whoop my ass over some of the shit I say on Probably Uncalled For? Nope, but just as scary, it's Cameron "Bonecrusher" Diaz. Fresh off intimidating a grown man into letting her jam her popcorn-filled meat hooks into his mouth as a collective universe. Shudder. I'd rather get a prostate exam from that Kardashian sister that looks like Chewbacca.

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