2014 Father of the Year race already heating up...

See this idiot? See this stupid five-headed douchenozzle motherfucker with the dumbass smile on his face? That's the smile of a guy who may have provided his children with one of the great foster care backstories of all damn time.

The idiot is 31-year-old Johnathon Harty of Lake Stevens, Washington, who racked up a cornucopia of charges Monday for a wild April auto incident. Then again, I'm not quite sure the phrase wild auto incident covers shit this whacked out.

In the later hours of April 20, Harty was weaving in and out of traffic on I-5 at speeds of up to 100 mph, wearing a set of fake tits, a womens blouse, and nothing else. There was also a nearly completely full bottle of urine and a pair of womens underwear discovered later on the floor of the car. Was he high on meth? You bet he was, glad you've not only been keeping up, but thinking ahead at the same time. Readers like you do my website proud.

Only problem, Harty also had his terrified six and four-year-old daughters in the car for a trip to a dollar store for toys. Well, you gotta admit...it's a fairly considerate meth junkie to buy some toys for the kids while in the throes of a hallucination requiring a bottle of urine and prosthetic breasts.

Long story short- Harty wound up smacking three occupied cars, flipping one of them, before crashing his Chrysler Sebring into a barrier. The children were okay, save for seat-belt bruises (and the fact they didn't get their toys), but a passenger in one of the other vehicles suffered a permently disfiguring head wound requiring fifty stitches. When officers arrived on scene, the obviously fucked up Harty alledgedly told them he was having a dream that he was having an accident.

Harty, who has two prior DUI convictions, has been charged by the King County Prosecutor's Office with vehicular assault, two counts of felony hit and run, and reckless endangerment for the incident, and is currently being held on $250,000 bail. I hope this fuckwit winds up spending a long damn time playing the female lead in the acclaimed private prison production of Fifty Shades of Prison Buttsex.

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