It was not as though I expected anything less from Mitch McConnell. As the GOP was settling into the seat of power following a decisive mid-term election victory last November, Senate Majority Leader McConnell promised "dramatic change" in contrast to the tenure of outgoing Majority Leader Harry Reid. Remember that phrase..."dramatic change."
McConnell said this dramatic change would come about by decentralizing power in a Senate that has accomplished so little in the past six years the American public is about ready to start holding a mirror under its face in the mornings, just to be sure. He also gave lip service to getting committee working again and open up the legislative process, a "return to regular order," in his words. Then again, he also made it a point to bring up recommitting to "a rational, functional appropriations process," because well, it's Mitch Damn McConnell. The pork's back on the plate, and Mitch brought his big ass fork, is the simple way to translate any rationality or functionality he may have been referring to when it comes to appropriations.
Continuing forth, McConnellesque in his determination, the Majority Leader said that the voters, who have lost faith in government and no longer trusts Washington, want a 21st century government, modern and streamlined instead of the perpetually deepening pit of suck we currently labor under. The GOP is going to pursue tax reform, opening global markets to American exports, and infrastructure projects like the Keystone XL pipeline.
Okay, for those of you keeping score at home, Sen. McConnell said:
1. Change, and dramatic change at that, is coming.
2. It's high time Congress got its shit together.
3. He's almost feral at the thought of getting appropriations back the way he likes it.
4. It's time to cut the sausage-making out of government and streamline it.
5. The GOP is going to fix taxes, American global trade, and infrastructure, right after...
They go back to the fucking well on abortion again.
Yes, America, I hear ya. God damn it, so much.
Yes sir, that some pretty dramatic change, if by pretty dramatic change you meant going back to page three in your fucking playbook! You could have come out with a plan, an idea, a hastily scribbled notion on a cocktail napkin on immigration, but you're just now sitting down to come up with a strategy. Really? Throughout the mid-term campaign, and in the afterglow of victory, this whole time the GOP was shadowboxing? The fact the Democrats were knocked out in part by a phantom punch should give them a moment for pause. A couple of moments, if necessary, in case Nancy Pelosi needs to change her facial expression.
I guess you could forgive the Republicans for a bit of a stumble out of the gates. Guess they still had some glitter in their eyes from the day before. Let's hope the next big topic they pounce on is something possible closer to relevance. Maybe even something that trends on occasion. Otherwise, this drama Mitch McConnell is producing is going to start needing a laugh track.
Some guys have all the luck. You decide to dig 33 feet down in your backyard, for whatever the hell reason would possess someone to do that, and you hit something major forcing the rest of the neighborhood to spend the weekend at a Comfort Inn by the airport. Some other asshole does it, and makes a major find that archaeologists have been trying to locate for decades.
An Egyptian man was illegally digging in his backyard, and wound up finding a tunnel leading to the Pyramid of Khufu, a.k.a. the Great Pyramid. It was about 33 feet down and underneath the man's house when the tunnel was discovered. Getting beyond the whole digging a 33 foot hole from boredom, how about digging three stories underneath your fucking house? How good is the weed in Egypt? Bet this guy's homeowner's policy costs some serious bank.
A committee from Egypt's Ministry of Antiquities confirmed the passage to be the causeway of the Great Pyramid, mentioned in the Histories by the Greek Herodotus, who claims to have visited it in the fifth century B.C.
One thing I did not notice from the story was any kind of explanation as to whether or not Captain Dig Dug actually got charged with the illegal digging. Personally, I can't wait for this to wind up on some bullshit reality show- people compulsively digging big damn holes in the ground. The sweeps episode where the guy tries to take credit for the Grand Canyon would be tremendous, if only for the cinematography.
Been puttering around the apartment today, taking care of some housework, sitting down to get started on the rest while checking out the Bengals-Colts Wild Card round playoff game. At least I'm not one of those guys who check out for the year after his team is eliminated and the fantasy seasons are done. My Rams had a better season than I thought they would, all circumstances considered, but I would like to see them get a slightly more competent backup than Shawn Hill progressing forward. As for my vaunted fantasy team, the LA Sharknados, they had a decent second season, going 10-4 for a 2nd place regular season finish before stumbling in the first round of the playoffs, settling for a victory in the 3rd Place game.
Maybe if the Bengals lose, they will can Marvin Lewis, and I can shoot a resume their way. If idiots can use video game experience to justify sending resumes for college head coaching jobs, I think I am safe in using my fantasy football coaching career to justify applying for a NFL head coach position. I know I am at least qualified to coach the Oakland Raiders...
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